Walk a Mile in Her Shoes

April 10, year 2
Dear Dee,

As I wrote the date above, I realized it would be my mother’s birthday were she still alive. It’s sad how little I think of her. I guess that’s because there are so few cherished memories of her. Sad. I did, over the past two years, learn that she is worthy of more empathy than I had been willing to grant her. I used to think she loved her alcohol more than her sons. But I had to regard her in a different light after my own addiction spiraled out of control. That gives credence to the old saw: “If you want to understand someone, walk a mile in their shoes.”

I have been reading the sermons that came with your last mail. “Other Pulpits, Other Ministries” didn’t speak to me at first, but upon reflection, I realized there is something to be learned from every one of them. It was the story of Margaret, who lost two of her children to death and another to life in prison. She could easily have become a bitter, angry old recluse, railing against the injustices of the world. Instead, she chose to bring beauty into the world, planting poppies wherever she went. Her answer to the loss of love from her world was to bring more into it. I have spent a lot of time lately thinking about the loss of these years from my life, years that are supposed to be “golden.” But then I see people like Margaret, who have lost far more and still manage to face life with grace and dignity.

The second sermon was germane to the struggle I’ve been having with the first and seventh principles. It provided me with generous insight into how to look beyond my present situation.

You asked if I needed any books. There is a couple I’d like to have. First, “The Jefferson Bible” and secondly, a book called “The Field,” which deals with the concept of God as a field of energy. I had thought that I had formulated that belief system all by myself, but I have met others who believed the same thing and now I find there is a whole book about it.

Take care and be well. Love, Kent

In the Name of Justice

April 3, year 2

 Kent’s letter talks about a three-part sermon called “In the Name of Justice” that I had heard in Scottsdale, AZ and had sent him. I found the service very impactful. In the first part, Rev. Gary Gallun talked about how we develop our sense of fairness and justice as early as kindergarten. And when someone doesn’t play fair, what constitutes justice? He asks: “Will the criminal come out of prison no different than when sentenced? Will treatment have occurred for a drug or alcohol addiction? Will they have learned a skill so that they will they be able to earn a living? Or will they be tagged as an undesirable pariah who must commit another crime in order to survive? What does justice demand?”

Part II was a personal account by Amy who lost her sister at the hands of a drunk driver. Amy attended the sentencing hearing of the driver, seeing for the first time a middle-aged woman named Pamela bound in shackles and clothed in prison garb looking worn, distressed and humiliated. After Amy and her family were given the chance to speak to the judge about the potential of the victim whose life had been cut short, she listened as the defendant’s family—at least 10 of them including her 4-year-old granddaughter—pleaded for mercy, but Pamela was sentenced to 6-10 years in the state prison. Amy said that she has spent much time since her sister’s death pondering justice, love, compassion, and forgiveness.

Part III, given by a woman named Anne who has worked with courts in the field of restorative justice, begins with a passage from Kalil Gabrahn’s The Prophet: “I have heard you speak of one who commits a wrong as though he were not one of you, but a stranger unto you and an intruder upon the world. But I say that even as the holy and the righteous cannot rise beyond the highest which is in each one of you, so the wicked and the weak cannot fall lower than the lowest which is in you also....” Anne explains the difference between types of justice that she has encountered in her practice,  “In retributive justice—punishment—the state does something TO the offender; in rehabilitative justice – treatment – the state does something FOR the offender. But in restorative justice... the OFFENDER is expected to do something FOR the victim and the community. The one who caused the harm must make up for the harm they have caused –and in so doing this, they begin a process of regaining their place in the society.”

Dear Dee,

This morning I read the three-part sermon, “In the Name of Justice.” It was extremely effective, impacting me on several levels. I couldn’t help but think, when Rev. Gallun quoted Robert Fulgham’s book, “Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten,” that most of the career criminals I’ve encountered here suffer from arrested development.

Also, the concept of “restorative justice.” That goes a long way toward lining up with my belief in karma. I did something horrible and as a result, something horrible happened to me. So now I seek to be of service; to reach out to others in need of help. Just this past week, a guy moved into the cubicle next door. He has nothing that he needs yet and no money to buy anything. So I gave him a pen, some pencils (he likes to draw) and writing paper. I have tried to help men in here who aspire to write, giving them what pointers and encouragement I can. This is how I want to live my life after I get out of here. I consider each day a success if I have been able to help somebody.

I was reduced to tears by one part of the story of the drunk driver who killed the woman. It was when the woman was in court for sentencing and the judge read the letter from her 4-year-old granddaughter. “Please don’t send my Nana to prison. I need to be able to see her, she loves me so much and takes care of me. I don’t know what I would do without my Nana.” Of course it brings up my wife’s young granddaughter who lived with us for several years. I was someone she looked up to and she was the apple of my eye. But it wasn’t the judge who took me out of her life; it was me and what I did. I still marvel at the fact that I never considered the consequences of my actions; how shallow and narrowly focused are the thoughts of an addict.

So again, I thank you for picking something that spoke so eloquently to me. And of course, it continued to give comfort to me regarding my difficulty with the First Principle.     Love, Kent.