September 30, 2012
Dear Dee:
What can I say?
I was fairly well blown away by your chalice lighting. It was so well
written and filled with such a generosity of spirit. It brought tears to my
eyes. I have often wondered if anyone could possibly understand the level of
shame and regret that I feel over what I have done. Having read your words, I
now know that there is at least one who does. I wish I could have been there to
hear those words spoken and join with those who showered you with hugs. Thank
you for seizing the opportunity to speak openly about such a sore and tender
subject.
Thanks
for sending the conditions of my supervised release. No surprises there as it
is as it was laid down by the judge at sentencing. I will definitely appeal to
the probation officer about a computer and Internet access as they are
essential tools for my writing. I will also appeal the ban on being able to go
to the movies. You know how much I love that and, honestly, it seems so
arbitrary. As long as I agree to stay away from kiddie matinees, limiting
myself to 10 p.m. shows on Wednesday nights, it shouldn’t pose much risk. Of
course, you and I know there is no risk at all at any time but they don’t know
that. They don’t mention other places such as malls or fast food restaurants
where young people tend to gather. All of this had no relationship to what I
did (except the Internet part) but it is based on what a judge was able to
imagine what I might do. I just hope I draw a probation officer who is
open to dealing on these issues.
When
I gave my friend here the “Process Theology” sermon, I told him I was not
trying to dissuade him from his own beliefs but to make it clearer to him what
mine were. After he read it, he said that we could “agree to disagree.” I don’t
think he found much merit to it. He is so immersed in his fundamentalist
Christianity that, if it isn’t in the bible, it isn’t true. What I love so much
about Unitarian Universalism is that it doesn’t just permit us to question, it
requires it of us. Those who see the bible as the “undisputed word of God”
don’t seem to want to acknowledge that it was written by mortal men and subject
to all their personal agendas and prejudices. How else could we end up with
Leviticus 20:13, which urges us to kill all gay people – and blame them
for it.
Your
New England vacation plans sound wonderful. Please don’t worry about how I’ll
react to news of your fun times. I do not despair about how free people spend
their lives. I might envy it a bit but that’s okay. (I also envy your Samsung
Galaxy Tablet. How could I not?)
Church –
The chalice lighting was a very well written piece by ME titled “Role of Life,”
in which she used the rules for mountain-biking as a metaphor for living. The
one that resonated the most for me was, “When you have fallen off your bike and
landed on your backside in cactus, you really find out who your friends are.”
The
sermon by Daniel Gregoire talked about beginnings and how he stumbled onto UU
almost accidentally, leading him not only toward a new faith but a ministry in
it. It’s relevance to me was that I would probably never have come to UU if I
hadn’t done what I did that brought me here. My arrest and the very public
humiliation that followed made me realize how bereft my life was of spirituality
and created a very real need for me to reach out and grab onto something. It’s
quite common, from what I’ve seen in here, though most tend to gravitate toward
a more traditional Christian faith. For me, it still needed to make sense and
UU fit the bill perfectly, allowing me the latitude to search through what I
did and did not believe.
The
section I read from Peter Fleck’s book was a wonderful piece on our tendency to
deny reality under adversity until such time as we are no longer able to. I
want to Xerox it and send it to my friend Eric, who still struggles with what
he did and why he is inside. I think it might help him.
That’s
it from me. Now go see the leaves and enjoy all that beauty.
Love, Steve
