Dear Dee,
It’s been quite a
week of discovery and revelation for me. Last week’s sermon, dealing with the
Buddha’s lifelong quest to find joy in the face of suffering, continued to
resonate with me. As it tumbled through my consciousness, I eventually put it
together with that line of Buddhist philosophy that I earlier claimed as my
mantra: “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” Now, it’s highly unlikely
that I’m ever going to find true joy in this circumstance. But I certainly have
it within my grasp to stop suffering.
In thinking back
over the many letters I have written to you and others in the past two years, I
know they have contained no small amount of complaining about various aspects
of my existence. I’ve made a conscious decision that his must stop. That is not
to say that I need to like, approve or accept all that this caged life puts
before me. But complaining about it changes nothing. It does not improve my lot
in life nor does it foster any changes in it. What it does do is prolong and
promote suffering. So I have developed a “sub-mantra,” if you will; a phrase
that I invoke whenever I encounter any situation that would normally trigger a
complaint: “That’s just the way it is here.” I have used it several times in
the past week to good advantage. I realize that, for the better part of the
last three years, I have been grieving the death of my previous life as I knew
it. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross outlined the five stages of grief. (I don’t think I
am recalling them all correctly, but this is my best stab at it.) shock, anger,
depression, bargaining and acceptance. I know I have navigated my way through
the first four. I am now poised for acceptance and I think this new way of
thinking will facilitate my reaching that final level.
There has hardly
been a day since my arrest, conviction, and incarceration that I have not said
to myself, “I can’t believe this is happening to me” or “I can’t believe I’m in
prison.” Well, it’s time to start believing it. There is nothing positive to be
gained by refusing to believe an objective truth. It’s the emotional equivalent
of the “birthers” who refuse to believe Obama is an American or those who claim
there is no global warming. The truth is what it is. I broke a law, I was
convicted of it and sentenced to prison, and I am now serving that sentence.
Enough whining. Enough complaining. If you should catch me doing so in any
future letters or phone calls, please feel free to give me a gentle but firm
rap on the wrist. Suffering is optional…and I have now opted to stop suffering.
My transfer request, submitted on November 1, finally went into the system on December 2. It should take about a week to leave the compound and I can expect to hear something by early to mid-January.
The sermon by Harold
W. Wood of the UU Fellowship of Visalia was on the Neo-Humanism of Paul Kurtz,
known as the father of secular humanism. He was the founder of the Center for Inquiry
and resigned from it last year after the organization announced “Blasphemy Day,”
in which religion would be satirized, challenged, and criticized. He said it
amounted to hate speech and went on to lead a “neo-humanist” movement that
seeks to promote greater tolerance for religious thought, a position that is
much more in line with what UUs believe—respect for the inter-dependent web of
all existence.
The Mandela chapter “It’s
a Long Game” scored a couple of bull’s-eyes with me. He believes in taking the
long view; that it is better to be slow and considered than to act quickly in
order to appear decisive. What resonated the most with me was his view that a
person is the sum of all that he or she has done and should not be judged by a
single act in their lifetime. There are, among my acquaintances, those who have
done just that, judged me on the thing that got me arrested rather than the
entirety of the life I have lived.
That’s it for this
time. I’ll talk to you on or about Christmas.
Love, Kent
