Giving and Receiving

May 13, 2012

Dear Dee,

By the time you read this, we will have shared some time together, perhaps shared a laugh or two, shed a tear and enjoyed a hug. The hug is important. One of the things I am absolutely starved for is the touch of another human being. In here, if you’re in a crowd and brush against someone, you must immediately pull away and say “excuse me.” I understand the reasoning behind it. No one wants their space invaded. But in the free world, we all have people that we allow inside that space. No such exceptions exist here, It can leave one feeling rather hollowed out.

I just finished talking with P, my soon-to-be-ex-wife. She is going to be seeing the lawyer this week about the divorce. I guess it’s time to get on with that, though I’ll always be sad that she didn’t agonize over the decision a little. Believe it or not, I have met only one other person in here with my charge whose wife didn’t stick with him. I guess this is yet another example of karma coming back on me.

This week’s Come As You Are piece was all about giving and receiving. In prison, the emphasis is on receiving, as everyone has his “hustle” on. When I volunteer to help someone—to critique a manuscript or do some typing for someone—they will ask if I want to be paid in stamps or commissary goods. When I say neither, they don’t know what to think of me. I tell them if they feel the need to pay me back, they should just “pay if forward” and do someone else a favor. I like going to bed at night knowing that I helped someone that day.  

Love, Steve
 

Self Eulogy

May 6, 2012

One exercise from Lesson 8 of my Church of the Living Fellowship correspondence course was to write our own obituary, encapsulating everything we hope to become and achieve in the remainder of our lives.

Self Eulogy

Here lies Steven Marshall, who tried and failed and then tried again. He thought himself to be a good man. But he learned the hard and bitter lesson that thinking it is not sufficient to make it so. It is a precept that must be lived, ever mindful that we are but frail humans, subject to stumbles along life’s path. None of us is wholly good nor wholly evil. Living a righteous life requires consistent work and effort.

Steven found his spirituality late in life—but not too late. In his last years, he resolved to live each day with purpose; to lay his head down to rest each night comforted by the knowledge that in the course of the day just past, he had sought to help someone and to be of service to his world. He leaves behind a significant number of people who are grateful that he lived and who were willing to forgive him for his missteps along life’s way.

Here lies Steven Marshall, who has earned the right to be called a good and decent man.

Love, Steve

The Business of Living

April 22, 2012

Rest in Peace, oh TV Guide Crossword book! I have burned through the entirety of it. I really enjoyed them and hope you can find another.

(Editor’s note: Paul Wright is the editor of a publication called Prison Legal News, which he began from behind bars in 1990. Wright suffered retaliatory punishments for writing about prison brutality and his publication was widely censored, but through his persistence in bringing court challenges, he prevailed. After having served 16 years of his sentence, he continues to produce the magazine, which now has a circulation of over 7000 with 65% of its subscribers being prisoners.)

Thank you for the article on Paul Wright. I’m very familiar with Prison Legal News. It truly does advocate for inmates. Wright has gone to court many times over issues like institutions not allowing inmates access to the publication. Prisons tend to get nervous when their populations become well informed or show any signs at all of becoming organized. That’s why inmates are not permitted to write to each other.

I’m enclosing an article from The Nation that concerns the cruel and unusual nature of solitary confinement, particularly on those who are already mentally troubled I think most people tend to think if someone is in prison, he or she deserves whatever they bet. The state of the incarcerated doesn’t appear to be very high on most people’s priority lists. I must admit it wasn’t on mine when I lived in the free world. But with so many people locked up, the number of families affected is staggering.

Today’s piece in Fleck’s book was called “The Business of Living.” It talks about how, as we age, our gaze shifts from the cradle to the grave; how we think less about what we have done with our lives and pay more attention to what we have yet to accomplish. I do spend a lot of time thinking about what my life will be in 2016 when all of this is over. So much of what my life will be is going to be beyond my control. But I try to focus on what I can control; what I can achieve and accomplish. This book was an excellent choice for my Sunday spiritual reading. Thank you again for it.

That’s it for another week.
Love, Steve