March 13, year 2
I just wrote you a couple of days ago, so consider this a P.S. I just read the sermon you sent, and it was right in line with something that has been bothering me. It happens that I have been struggling with the first principle for a while now. I reached what I would consider my crisis of faith a couple of months ago.
I was on my way back from the chow hall at night when I spotted one of the feral cats we have here eating something that someone had given him. He was right next tot he pathway. Suddenly, someone in my unit who was walking ahead of me took a running start and kicked the little cat right in the head. It scrambled erratically away and the guy and his friend laughed about it all the way back to the unit. The friend said, "That was a concussion at least!"
I was so upset and angry I could barely see. Part of me, a very uncharitable part, wanted to kick the guy in the head just to show him how it felt. In trying to deal with this, I thought about the first principle and how this was a fellow human being. But it didn't work. I had hate in my heart for this sorry sack of shit. I still shudder every time I see him.
Unlike Pat and Terry in the sermon, I have not been all that successful in trying to climb into the minds of others I live with here and see the world from their point of view. When I try, all I see is darkness, evil and ignorance.
I guess when I say the sermon sang to me, I mean that it addressed an issue I am grappling with, but it didn't really, in the end, provide me with any answers. The people in here are worlds beyond the PTA members who wanted to ban books or Terry's truculent co-workers. They come from a place where they think it's all right to take from others. They believe that hate is power and use that power to intimidate and instill fear. They bolster their own self-esteem by pretending to be superior to others. It's very difficult to try to walk a mile in their shoes.
Love, Kent
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