Not Groundhog Day?

April 8, 2012

Dear Dee,

Opening a large envelope from you is like Christmas morning, such is the assortment of goodies that you provide. Thanks for the picture of the forsythia in your front yard. It's nice to see some spring beauty.

I recently heard through the grapevine here that some people have gotten results on their transfer request after having written to a congressperson from their local district back home and asking that politician to write a letter to the Bureau of Prisons on their behalf. So I have asked K to write to the senators and representatives from her area and ask that my transfer request be reviewed. Otherwise, as I think I’ve mentioned, it is a rule of this institution that I cannot reapply for another year. Keep your fingers crossed.

Yes, I do still keep track of the days but far less frequently than I used to. Once in a while, I need to be reminded that time is moving forward and that someday, this too shall pass.

My reading from Come As You Are today encourages us to live every moment, squeezing all the value we can out of every one of them. Dr. Fleck reminds us that those moments are numbered and finite, which made me think of my brother who may not have long left. But he also had a message for me. I have remarked before upon the “Groundhog Day” nature of being in prison, where each day seems identical to the last. This is how he concluded the piece: “For it is not true that one day is like the other, one moment like the other. The deepest meaning of life can be fathomed only if we are aware of the uniqueness of each day and each moment.” So he has challenged me to look beyond the surface similarities of all the days here and find ways to view them as unique.

“Chicken Soup” featured a piece on a man who had been a hopeless alcoholic, taking himself to the brink of death before pulling back, getting clean and dedicating the balance of his life to helping other people. That’s something I aspire to and I try to do so in here whenever the opportunity presents itself. I’m currently reading someone’s screenplay and working up a set of constructive notes for him. However, about an hour ago, I turned down the chance to “help” someone when he asked me to steal some bell peppers for him from the chow hall. Even help has its limits.

Oh, wait! There’s more! (Do I sound like an infomercial?) Your letter had one short line that I almost overlooked in replying. It was your question about whether it would help if you came to see me. That would be HUGE! My God, yes! I don’t want you to incur a financial burden, so please be honest with me about that. I had despaired of having any visitors at all this year because, as I’ve mentioned, my daughter, K, cannot come and it is so far for everyone I know.

All for this time.

Love, Steve