Dear Dee,
By the time you read this, we will have shared some time
together, perhaps shared a laugh or two, shed a tear and enjoyed a hug. The hug
is important. One of the things I am absolutely starved for is the touch of
another human being. In here, if you’re in a crowd and brush against someone,
you must immediately pull away and say “excuse me.” I understand the reasoning
behind it. No one wants their space invaded. But in the free world, we all have
people that we allow inside that space. No such exceptions exist here, It can
leave one feeling rather hollowed out.
I just finished talking with P, my soon-to-be-ex-wife. She
is going to be seeing the lawyer this week about the divorce. I guess it’s time
to get on with that, though I’ll always be sad that she didn’t agonize over the
decision a little. Believe it or not, I have met only one other person in here
with my charge whose wife didn’t stick with him. I guess this is yet another
example of karma coming back on me.
This week’s Come As
You Are piece was all about giving and receiving. In prison, the emphasis
is on receiving, as everyone has his “hustle” on. When I volunteer to help
someone—to critique a manuscript or do some typing for someone—they will ask if
I want to be paid in stamps or commissary goods. When I say neither, they don’t
know what to think of me. I tell them if they feel the need to pay me back,
they should just “pay if forward” and do someone else a favor. I like going to
bed at night knowing that I helped someone that day.
Love, Steve
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