Dear Dee,
This week’s sermon was another form Ana Levy-Lyons
at All Souls in New York titled “Location, Location, Location.” She cites the
Hebrew scriptures as telling us to be aware of where we are going and to whom
we are accountable. It struck me as odd that I seem to have a better handle on
where I’m going than on where I’ve been. I know I’m on a quest to become a
better person. Where I’ve been is a bit of a haze representing all the time I
spent in an unenlightened state, engaged in activities that I wish I could
forget. As for the accountability part, I think I am most accountable to
myself, since I will be holding myself to a higher and stricter standard than
just about anyone else would.
My first foray into the new Fleck book was
meaningful. The chapter, titled “The Blessings of Imperfection,” says that we
learn from trial and error, not trial and triumph. It’s difficult for me to regard
what I did as an error or a mistake because a mistake is something one makes
while trying to do something right and simply making the wrong choice. In my
case, I knew from the start that it was wrong. I have to remember as I try to
analyze the reasons behind my actions that reasons are not the same as excuses,
for there are no excuses for what I did. Whatever else they were, they were
most certainly the actions of an imperfect man. In the future, it is my goal to
strive for perfection, knowing full well that I will never achieve it, but
taking comfort from the knowledge that the effort will result in a better man.
This theme was also useful as I mull over a piece
that I want to write titled “To the children in the pictures.” Since I used the
internet to do them wrong, it seems altogether fitting that I use it again to
seek their forgiveness. It will most likely not reach the intended eyes, but I
have to try.
This week I received the draft copy of my divorce
papers. I am sad but resigned to this course. I had a few niggling changes, but
I will sign it the next time I have access to a notary. Strike three—I’m out!
That’s it for another week. Love, Steve
No comments:
Post a Comment